Just one more pearl from Mindsight,by Daniel Siegel that I thought I'd pass along. This one is about how our brains develop during our earliest days of life.
During our first two years, the right hemisphere of the brain predominates. This is the side of our brains involved in emotion, creativity, auditory and visual stimulation and (not surprisingly from an evolutionary perspective) facial perceptions to name just a few.
The left hemisphere (which is associated with language, logic and sequential order) comes on line more in the 2nd year of life.
It makes sense then that this is the time that children begin to master language and when they ask "why" questions all the time.
Although our experiences before two years of age don't have words or concious memories attached to them, these early pre-language experiences will effect the very development of a child's brain.
Not surprisingly in this stage of a little person's life, these interactions involve bonding with one's primary caregiver (usually the mother).
Early experiences in which children do not feel safe, cared for, connected to their caregivers can cause a host of emotions. Hopefully, our caregivers are loving, connected and make use feel safe and protected.
However, when our caregivers have their own issues (which prevent them from being able to develop this healthy, secure attachments with the child) the response in the child can range from fear to longing to outright distrust.
We don't remember these experiences as we age, but our brain has been responding to those particular emotions over time from it's earliest and most formative days. The young brain is literally wired to operate in that mode. Like the default setting on a computer.
This can impact us for the rest of our lives in ways we may have never connected. For example, we may seek out angry or depressed people to have relationships with because they feel familiar.
We are primed to respond to that type of person because it feels natural to us. Personally, I'm facinated by this because it sounds like the neurobiological (and less oedipal and sexist ;-) explanation of the kinds of things Freud described.
Also, Siegel says this why we sometimes "flip our lids" at things. Even situations that the rational part of us knows shouldn't get us so upset.
The incident likely triggered something from our very early history. Something upsetting and something that is well-grooved in our minds and fast to fire off in the face of a situation reminiscent of something that caused the original insult.
He talks about how he works through this with his patients in therapy, but likely all of us (if we know something of our history in those earliest days) can get a sense of how that tiny person we once were must have felt.
For most of us if we look back we can trace much of our personality and behavior to something happening before we had words, before the left brain.
Siegel says that identifying those emotions, those triggers and connecting them logically (and with kindness and acceptance) to the past can help bring the more logical left brain into the mix and take some of the emotional charge out, decreasing the input of the sometimes hyper-emotional right brain.
But best of all, we aren't stuck with the brains we have. The more we change our thought patterns, the more we change the way our brains are wired and the way we will think in the future.